a.m.

Aching I reached for the uncapped bottle of coke. flat and sugary, the tepid liquid creeps down my throat into the wrong pipe. I gag. Instantly, a clear lung puck splatters the back of my hand. I clear my throat. Shaking, I lick my hand and stand. White flecks appear around the light. Falling back, I get a sharp pain in my side. Attempting to draw breath. Twice, my breath is halted by other sharp pains. Tossing my feet back on the bed and covering my head with a sweaty pillow gives no comfort from the spinning, the ringing, the voice. Not wanting to acknowledge the voice asking, what do I want out of this life?

Slip into a coma-like state...conscious and aware yet unable to locate any motor skills. I began answering the voice...mumbling...joy and pain. fire and calm. absurdness. less filtering. rawness. open wounds, all in various states of scaring/scabbing up. I am scared. Feeling like I am being swept out to sea.